9.8.19

Ep. 36: Changing the Definition of Suicide

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Vonnie Woodrick, executive director of i understand, with Consumers Credit Union's Lynne Jarman-Johnson.

Vonnie Woodrick, executive director of i understand, joins us during suicide prevention month to discuss the true roots of suicide – pain and hopelessness. Learn about changing the definition of suicide, Pink Heart Day (which is officially September 10 in Grand Rapids, Michigan) and more in today’s special episode of “Money, I’m Home.”

Learn more about i understand at their website.

 

Transcript

[music]

 

00:07 Lynne Jarman-Johnson: Money, I’m home. Welcome in, I’m Lynne Jarman-Johnson with Consumers Credit Union. From finance to fitness, that’s what we’re all about. Thanks for joining us this week. Boy, we have a wonderful guest today, and we’re talking about a subject that is near and dear to many people’s hearts because it’s a subject that’s very hard to talk about. But our guest is founder, Vonnie Woodrick, and she is one who has opened the door to really talk about and listen about the pain of suicide in your life. She’s the founder of i understand. Love does heal, Vonnie.

 

00:44 Vonnie Woodrick: It certainly does and thank you for having me here today.

 

00:48 LJJ: Let’s talk about how this all began, what’s the journey that brought I understand, which has become a national phenomenon right-based out of Grand Rapids. Tell us about the journey to get here.

 

01:01 VW: Yeah, so it’s going to be almost 16 years if you can believe it, that I lost my husband to depression, and it was a journey that I felt very alone, and I didn’t have anybody else that really was in that same path that I was on. My kids were young, 5, 12 and 15, and how do you tell a 5-year-old, how their dad died by suicide? So, it’s really this journey, it took me about 10 years before I really started talking about it and trying to change the conversation.

 

01:31 LJJ: Rob was a vibrant, vibrant man, and I had the honor and pleasure of knowing him, no clue there was depression going on.

 

01:43 VW: Yeah, I think on the outside, it’s always often times that way. I don’t think Rob personally wanted to hurt anybody, and I do think that he lived a vibrant life as you said, but I think that Robin Williams is such a good example too, of someone that can be on that high of life, and wanting to enjoy it and wanting to make people laugh. But what people don’t see behind closed doors is that as high as you get, you can get just as low with depression. For Rob, he had anxiety-driven depression, and it was something that he hid very well, but yet it was something that we dealt with as a family.

 

02:20 LJJ: Vonnie, what is interesting is you mentioned anxiety-driven depression, how many people just don’t understand what depression is all about, and the different types that can affect you throughout your life?

 

02:35 VW: Well, I think that our society shows that the majority of the people aren’t, and that’s one of the things that we really want to try to change. When we look at death by suicide, over 54% of those that die do not have a diagnosed mental health illness, however, we continue to blame it on mental health illness. However, over 90% of those that do die are suffering from depression. So, we need to talk more about depression, the signs, the symptoms, but also feel comfortable telling someone that they are suffering and maybe they are feeling this low.

 

03:13 LJJ: And then, what does I understand focus on, how did you evolve into saying, “This is something we really need to open up and talk about?”

 

03:25 VW: Right. So again, feeling so alone, it was an honor actually at my 50th birthday feeling that way, and I said to my kids, I’m like, “What can we do to change the conversation?” And instead of having a party and a big celebration, I thought, if I could just get one person to understand where I’ve been and what this is like, so we started out simply by creating t-shirts that say, “I understand love heals.” And we started giving them away, and that’s how it started. And to date, we’ve given over 16,000 shirts away for free throughout the country. And what that does is simply evoke conversation, it’s a, “What does that mean?” Or it’s showing somebody that you’re a safe person, that maybe, “Hey, I’ve been in that boat before.” And once you start talking about it, the flood gates open and you realize you’re not alone. And that, just knowing you’re not alone, is a huge step to going out and talking, or helping us reduce the stigma.

 

04:20 LJJ: And it totally does change lives.

 

04:22 VW: Totally changes lives. The conversation is big, and I think that one of my passions truly is changing that conversation. And simply, we have a definition petition out there, and the definition petition is trying to change the definition of suicide in the dictionary. In the dictionary, suicide is defined as someone who intentionally kills themself, that is old, that is stigmatized, it’s outdated. Our definition is a side effect of pain because pain is a common denominator of all suicides, and as I said before, over 54% are not diagnosed with a mental health illness. So, we have to start focusing on pain, and where does that pain come from? It comes from bullying, it comes from financial devastation, it comes from divorce, heartbreak, so many different things that have, that cause depressive feelings that cause people to perhaps wanting to end it all.

 

05:19 LJJ: When you look back and you see how far your family has come, many people will say, “Well, that happened to Vonnie.” This is a family-driven community, for us, it happened to the community. And when you read stories or you read obituaries, and you don’t see the word suicide but, oh you know what, in your back of your mind, you’re thinking about it, how can someone on the outside who isn’t dealing with it one-on-one, how can they help open that door to the conversation?

 

06:03 VW: I think, that one of the biggest ways to open the door is through understanding, and understanding that suicide is a side effect of an illness or pain. Looking at the judgment that people judge, the reason why people are not openly talking about it is because… I’ve heard it, I’ve heard people say, “Well, her husband must have been crazy.” I’ve heard people say, whisper…

 

06:31 LJJ: You’re standing right there.

 

06:32 VW: The things that people have said to me, “Oh, you know your husband didn’t go to Heaven, your husband went to Hell, you know that he’s crazy.” Where if we can change that and we can focus on why someone died versus how someone died, I think, that’s the people that haven’t gone through this. So why did Rob die? Rob died because he had an illness, and like all illnesses, they can be treatable, they can be preventable, however, they can also be terminal. My husband died from a terminal illness. Suicide is not about a choice, suicide is about escaping pain, that’s how we all need to talk about it, we all need to look at it. And by doing so, it’s going to make us, who have lost our journey, a little bit easier knowing that other people understand that, that dark side, yeah, it’s kind of dark, but it’s not really the reality of the situation.

 

07:32 LJJ: Your book, you are an author.

 

07:34 VW: It’s coming out, soon to be. But I think that, like you said, “We are a community.” And there’s so many people within this community, that have had the same thing happen, however, it’s swept under the rug, it’s not talked about. Well, I’m talking about it and I’m bringing it out there. And by doing so, it’s allowing those people that weren’t talking before, to talk about it, and to say maybe for the first time, “My husband, my sister, my spouse did not die from that car accident, did not die from cancer, they died from suicide, a side effective pain.”

 

08:09 LJJ: Tell us about your book, and the journey to get there.

 

08:12 VW: Well, I feel that journaling has been a savior for me. And really, my book began very shortly after Rob died, and I started documenting and writing my journey, and through my own journaling and my journal books, and then switching over to computer, I created a book.

 

08:32 LJJ: Vonnie, September is Suicide Prevention Month, and one of the things, I think, that we callously can do, is we can say, “Oh, look at Facebook, look at Instagram, see all those fun motivational quotes and feel happy, just feel happy.” And yet, we’re not at all connecting with people who are not feeling happy, how do we, ourselves, change that to help those, that we don’t even know are suffering?

 

09:06 VW: Well, that’s a really good question, and I think that it’s about who we are as people. Do you want to be a bully, and do you want to put people down? Do you want to criticize? Do you want to… People that you know, that may be going through a painful time in their life, do you want to add to it or do you want to help it? And I think that knowing that judgment hurts people but love heals, so if we can really do everything with a loving and understanding heart, we change, and think about making this… Smile at that person, tell them they look pretty today, tell them they look great, tell them they did a great job on that presentation, whatever you need to do, positively.

 

09:49 LJJ: And I think you hit the nail on the head, if you don’t know someone is going through depression, and we talked a little bit about that, that many, many people will not share their pain, they’re trying to hide from it because of judgmental attitudes. So, if we can, ourselves, stop, stop judging, think about what things you say and do on a day-to-day basis, and you don’t know what the person is feeling beside you.

 

10:17 VW: Right, exactly. And I think, as you mentioned with National Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month being September, one of the things that we try to do is our Pink Heart campaign, our Pink Heart project, and that is simply getting yourself a pink heart for a dollar donation and giving it to someone, and letting you know it takes one person to understand, will you be that one? And it’s really connecting, connecting us to someone that may know what you’re struggling and that may even be almost a complete stranger, it may not even be somebody close to you, but it’s somebody that understands.

 

10:53 LJJ: If someone wants to get involved, whether that be volunteering, learning more, getting help, how can they do that?

 

11:02 VW: So, we have a lot of resources for help on our website, www.iunderstandloveheals.org. Anyone at any time can get involved simply by requesting a shirt. We’re going to have our shirts, once again at Meijer, during National Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month, wear, care, share, and just change your conversation, change the language. And if you want to come and volunteer, just send us a message on Facebook, we’d love to have you.

 

11:32 LJJ: Vonnie, I understand love heals.

 

11:35 VW: Yes, it does.

 

11:36 LJJ: Thank you.

 

11:37 VW: Thank you.

 

11:38 LJJ: I’m Lynne Jarman-Johnson and this is, Money, I’m home. Thank you Aaron, for your wonderful production skills today. Join us next week. Have a great day from Consumers Credit Union.

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  1. Maggie Chandler says:

    Great job Vonnie your book is very inspiring for any person whose family member has taken their life to end their emotional pain.

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