8.29.21

Ep. 136: Empty Nest, Full Life!

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Consumers' podcast graphic featuring Terri DeBoer, with title "Empty Nest, Full Life!"

In this week’s edition of Money, I’m Home, Lynne is joined by Terri DeBoer, WOODTV8 meteorologist and author to discuss her new book Brighter Skies Ahead: Forecasting a Full Life When You Empty the Nest. Tune in to hear how Terri discovered the silver-lining during a time of tumultuous change and redirected her passions to accomplish a lifelong dream.

 

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0:00:06.7 Lynne Jarman-Johnson (LJJ): Money, I’m Home! Welcome in, I’m Lynne Jarman-Johnson with Consumers Credit Union. From finance to fitness, we have it all for you. And today, we have a very special guest. I’ll tell you what, there are Brighter Skies Ahead. You know, I read this book that is from a dear friend of mine. She wrote it. She’s also very well known in the marketplace. Terri DeBoer, meteorologist with WOODTV8. Thank you so much, Terri, for being with us today.

0:00:32.8 Terri DeBoer (TD): Oh, Lynne, I’m so excited, and I have to tell you that you were one of the people who inspired me to reach for my dream, and so I want to say before we get started, thank you so much for your support and friendship through the years, because without you and people like you in my life, this book would have never happened.

0:00:52.1 LJJ: Well, I clearly remember the day that we sat across in a bench seat at lunch, chatting about your dream. And now, here it is, a reality. The book is called Brighter Skies Ahead: Forecasting a Full Life When You Empty the Nest. And from somebody who raised six kids and has been through the first two to three years of an empty nest that all of a sudden was “Wow,” this book truly does touch your heart and make you just smile a little. I want to talk to you about how you came up with an idea of writing this book and where your passion lies.

0:01:29.4 TD: So, I have always been a big reader. I love to read. I always tell people, if I wouldn’t have become a meteorologist, I would have either been a librarian or a teacher, because I absolutely love to spend time in books. And so for about the last 40 years or so, I’ve had a dream of writing a book. And I’ve had lots of stops and starts, never really knowing what it was that I could write about, because books that really touch me are the books that I feel like they have a special message or special connection. And so, when I hit into this empty nest stage, when my youngest left for college, it just… It was like a punch in the gut to me, and so I started looking for books to read. And there are many out there in the marketplace, but they weren’t really what I wanted to hear, and so I thought, “I’m going to write the book that I want to read,” and that’s what I did.

0:02:28.3 LJJ: Well, I’m going to give you a little heads up because, at the time when my kids all left, I started doing a hashtag that said #EmptyNestTour. And Rob and I travel quite a bit, obviously to see our kids a lot, but we also like to travel around the world. With the hashtag #EmptyNestTour, I had many people who said to me… And I kind of had paused, because it didn’t make any sense. But then, after talking to you and reading your book, it does, and the pause was, they said, “Well, how can you be so happy? Where’s your sorrow? Where’s your pain?” And I think that what I learned from your book, Terri, is that it’s okay to feel the pain but also see the horizon, and you say it perfectly: “Forecasting a full life.” How did you stumble upon the fact that… You know, there is such sorrow when, all of a sudden, your life changes. In the stages of life, that happens, but you’ve really brightened it up.

0:03:28.5 TD: For me, Lynne, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was not expecting to feel the sadness that I felt, even though I emptied my nest as you did over a number of years; my oldest is eight years older than my youngest, so I had this span of time where my nest was in the process of emptying. But I think because my kids were so busy and so active and so involved that I missed them, and I missed what was our family dynamic when I had kids at home. But I missed the excitement and the adrenaline, and the… I felt like I missed needing to be needed. And that was the journey that I had to go on to find out, what’s my new purpose, what’s my new life, what’s the new flow that I have, and where am I going to find joy and purpose and hope in the next stage in my life?

0:04:26.8 LJJ: Reading your book, there’s a component that talks about the pandemic and COVID, and I think that whole concept of feeling needed is so important, especially when you’re looking at… Even work-life balance right now is so turned upside down, topsy-turvy, for many people. Are we working remote? Are we not? We’re still in the stages of a lot of questions. When you talk about that component of being needed… I think that’s the key. It’s… How do you get from the stage of you’re running around and transporting your hockey player, your soccer player, your music band, and… Whatever the stages of life is, to going to feeling like, “I’m not getting a phone call today. Where am I going today as a parent?” And that’s, to me, I think, what really hit home for me, especially during the pandemic, about what is it that we can become when all of a sudden we feel like there might be a big, huge space that needs to be filled.

0:05:31.7 TD: Right. And for me, for so long, and… You maybe feel like that… This too. When you’re a parent, you feel like your whole life needs to revolve around this child, and then ultimately, these children. And so you start to, in many ways, lose your own identity; that’s how I felt like I was a mom. And so, my focus was on making sure Jacob and Jacqueline and Jennifer had everything that they needed, and so I went from this time of being very much kid-focused or family-focused to then having to make this transition, even in my own psyche, about, it’s okay to be me-focused again, and it’s okay for me to think about, “Boy, what does Terri DeBoer want to do in the next stage in her life?”, because it’s okay now for me to put myself in more of a primary position in my life. That’s okay.

0:06:35.4 LJJ: And isn’t it funny how… Something in the back of your mind, or maybe it’s something someone said; it’s like when someone said to me, “How can you be happy?” You know what, I’m not a person that showcases my sadness or pain in ways that are blatant, right? So, when someone says something, especially with social media now, and you’re in the public eye, Terri, that has to be something that you wake up to every day and say, “I’m tackling this today.”

0:07:03.2 TD: Right, and I felt like that gave me a good opportunity also, because there were a lot of instances along the way where, as my kids grew up and eventually left the nest, where I had relationships with other women. And even then… It’s funny, because the book is really sort of focused on women, but I have a number of men that I’ve given advanced copies to, who have read the book, and they say, “This really speaks to me too, because dads sometimes are… You know, people don’t think of them as being as equally saddened or as equally lost and empty when their kids leave home, but this is something that hits men too.

0:07:43.2 LJJ: I gave this book to a friend of mine whose children are just now starting to leave the nest, and I am not exaggerating, Terri, she started to cry when she read the first two pages. And…

0:07:54.5 TD: Aww! You know, that touches me, because I was really hoping that people would have a reaction where they felt like “I see myself in this book.”

0:08:03.0 LJJ: And you know what, it wasn’t a sad cry. I mean, that’s the thing that I love, that I want everybody to take with them, is that, you know… The stages that we have in life are ups and downs, but we all can get through them together. And the fact that you’re allowing that communication to happen, that feeling and emotion to happen… Tell us a little bit about the launch of this, because I know there’s also a secondary component that I believe people will absolutely love, and that’s a journal.

0:08:29.3 TD: [chuckle] Yeah, there’s a journal that’s coming out too. I… The release date for the book is November 9th. Preorders, you can order your advance copy right now at any of the book retailers. You’ve got Amazon, barnesandnoble.com, Schuler, Baker Book House, all of the places where you would order a book ahead of time. Once you get your book, then we’re setting up a bunch of opportunities for people to come. If you have bought a book online and you want to come meet with me and get your book autographed, I’d love to do that. We have a number of events that we’re also planning to do in the community. So, with the release coming November 9th, then it gives us a lot of time ramping up to the holiday season. But I was planning the book launch, which will be at Baker Book House on East Paris on November 9th. Sue Smith, who’s the general manager there, I told her, “I really want a journal to go along with this book, and I’m planning that for the first quarter of 2022,” and she said, “You know, if you can get that out, it would be great to have them as companion items, because they’ll make great gift sets for the holidays.”

0:09:36.2 LJJ: Love it.

0:09:36.4 TD: So, I worked on the journal and ended up getting an offer to publish from my publisher on that, and we fast tracked it through, and I actually am hoping that within the next three or four weeks, I will have advance copies of the journal. I’m going to get you one, Lynne, and I’ll get you one for your friend too.

0:09:52.5 LJJ: [laughter] Thank you so much.

0:09:54.2 TD: Yeah, I’m so excited for where this is going to go. I would love to collaborate with a dad who would want to do the companion piece for men for this. I’ve reached out to a couple people I know who are authors who are in the process of emptying their nests, to just kind of see what would be maybe a good fit for that, because I think there’s a dad’s perspective that really could lend itself to another book that’s custom tailored for the guys.

0:10:21.1 LJJ: Well, I’ll tell you this one, Brighter Skies Ahead is such a delight to read during a time that is very emotional, as we know, for many parents. Terri, I can’t thank you enough. Can you just do me one more favor and let me know… Here we sat years ago, and you said, “I’m going to write a book.” And so many people that are listening feel the same way; “I’m going to do something.” And part of what your book talks about is taking that step to a new adventure. How proud are you, Terri?

0:10:53.2 TD: I waver back and forth between feeling just immensely proud that I did it, and then having disbelief that I did it. I hold the book in my hand, and I have one right in front of me right now. And Lynne, I can’t tell you… I still almost feel like I can’t believe I did it. I just had had this dream and this vision, and now that I’m starting to get feedback from people like you and your friend, and other people who’ve had a chance to read the book, I just… I feel honored and blessed, and I feel like if I can do this, whatever your dream is, you can do it too. It just takes having the courage to make that first connection, make that first movement toward that… Whatever your dream may be.

0:11:46.0 LJJ: Well, Terri DeBoer. We know her as a meteorologist on WOODTV8, I’ve known her as a dear friend for years, and now, I can say I know you as the author of Brighter Skies Ahead. Terri, thank you so much for being with us today.

0:12:00.3 TD: Thanks, Lynne, have a great day.

0:12:02.5 LJJ: And thank you for joining us. We sure do appreciate you listening in. If you have a topic you’d love us to share, please send it our way. Also, thank you, Jake Esselink, for your wonderful production skills. Everyone have a great week! I’m Lynne Jarman-Johnson, Consumers Credit Union.

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